We had a lovely Christmas but I am glad that it is over. The bean received at least two of the three things she requested from Father Christmas. The first thing on her list was that Merlin have a long happy life, maybe Father Christmas blew some extra winter magic on Merlin when he came to visit, that would make me happy!!!

I had a thought about friends that I know this weekend. I have one friend, the one that was suppose to marry. Well after few months they have split and she will not be marrying. I will once again be taking a small break from this person as she sucks energy. I have had this friend for over twenty years of my life and I do not think she is a "bad" person she just does some things I am uncomfortable with. Everytime she is without a potential boyfriend she calls and wants to suck my energy. She has not come to the point in her life where she realizes she has problems and she is not a victim. I have never been a victim to anyone besides my own self. The problems that I have caused have been my fault and no one else's. I accept that, embrace it and work through it but I realize that it was my fault. I have a harder time with things beyond my control and with problems that result from someone else's mistake that effect me years later. An example of this is the accident, if seven years later I did not have to have surgery on my jaw, my back was not in constant pain and half the teeth in my jaw did not have to be replaced, I would probably be able to move forward and feel better about it all. I never have addressed the anger, pain and fear that the accident caused me. The fact that I was just happy to be alive was enough at that time' now is the time when trying to move past that one defining point in my life that I need to realize that there were other emotions which were never processed. These are the things that I need to focus on for my Wednesday appointment. In order to understand how the chemicals and behaviors have been manipulated I must go back to the point of when everything was lost. Sometimes I feel like I am digging and poking around inside my brain that maybe I will find a diamond and I will be free of all the harm and destruction that I tend to bring upon myself. Anyway my point was, I take responsibility for my actions and blame no one but myself that is something I have realized many people do not do often. That I think is why there are so many lawsuits and crappy people around.

I am so not looking forward to going to work tomorrow morning and dealing with this one patient. I know I must but jeez, she is not a nice person. You would think that in the position she is in that she would take the time to realize that I do not care who she is or how much money she has. She is a patient, I treat everyone the same regardless of social standing. In eighteen months or less she will no longer have a social standing so does it really matter now? I hope she learns how to treat the people that are trying to help her, it would be nice.


Off to sleepy time, to dream of sheep and sunny days!!!!!