Owwwwwwww

Pain, it hurts, I want to cry. I really just want someone to stick a nice fat cortisone needle into my back so it will stop. 72 hours of non-stop pain is hard to understand if you never had to endure chronic pain, for the most part I have it under control but today I started with the shaking, nausea, and sweating which means I have reached the most pain I can take without having medication. My scripts will be here soon and I can float around in a fog until it subsides back to a normal rating again. I hate to be broken.......

gggrrrrrrr.....

Ouch

My scapula is killing me as well as my shoulder, it pisses me off. This is the day I am pissed, days like this make me angry at the fucking bus. Stupid fucking bus, messed up my shoulder and the crappy weather is making it really bad. Cold, then warm, then cold and damp, I can barely move. I am going over to the Drs. to get a pain script this afternoon to help get me through a couple of days. I was kind of hoping with all the exercising that I have been doing that this would not happen this year, it actually seems worse, the arnica is not even helping. It hurts and I can not concentrate....grrrrrr....sniffle, sniffle, sniffle.....

Grrrrrrrrr

I have a sniffle, actually a lot of sniffles, nothing else just a drippy nose, no problem right? WRONG!!!!! I know there are restrictions on pseudoephederine which now requires, per the Patriot Act, that I show my ID and do not buy over a certain gram amount so I walk down to the pharmacy to try and purchase a decongestant, specifically one that contains pseudoephederine which I know works and works well. I work in a hospital that does plastic surgery, Oral-Maxillofacial Surgery they need this stuff around, I was also a patient for a micro maxillofacial procedure during my stint as a trauma patient. I ask the girl for some Sudafed, thinking we are a hospital we should of all places have it behind the counter, people are sick here, they may need it, yeah right, what was I thinking? Nope, we do not sell it and I refuse to pay money for a medication that may not be affective such as say, hmmmm, Phenylephrine at the approved doses.http://news.ufl.edu/2006/07/19/decongensant/

Then she tries to sell me medication with extras in it I do not need a cough suppressant or a pain reliever I just need my nose to stop dripping and not fall asleep at my desk because I had to take Benadryl.

Thank you Patriot Act for making effective medications a pain in the butt to get, thank you hospital for not stocking said products due to the fact that the Patriot Act is a pain, jeez but go figure you still sell narcotics and opiates via prescription without checking ID's and verifying personal information, GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I have decided that you are all a bunch of silly, ignorant people......

Better

Feeling a bit better, think it may have something to do with skating, seems that when I skate it allows me to forget about the things that are bugging me. I feel better today and it will be nice so I can skate outside lots and we have practice on Sunday too!! Yay!! I am uber excited.

Confusion

"I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality."
Salvidor Dali

Grrrrrrr.... WHAT TO DO???!!!??? I understand to initiate change you must be able to endure discomfort until things come to a resolution therefore I am in a state of utter confusion driven by being uncomfortable and hence need to skate harder tonight then usual, I believe that it will help put perspective on many things bouncing around inside my head, maybe if I am hit hard enough it will knock some thoughts into the place they belong.

Fun, fun, fun

Starr is here and as usual we are having fun!!

I roller skated twice yesterday and tonight we are going out like adults with no children, hmmmmmmmmmm....What do adults do again? Teehee.......

Motion, and lack thereof

Ahhhh, I have a day to myself so I decided to go to the gym. I have learned a few things abut myself, cardio is no fun by yourself, just boring and sweaty. I need to get to the cardio dance class, that would probably be fun. I can do yoga, I have never taken a yoga class but I have the postures down, looked better then some of the people that have been doing it for some time. Yoga is fun until the movement stops, I am just not good at staying focused unless I am moving, not yoga's fault my own but jeez I am a force of nature. I do not like to be still, sitting in a sauna was boring, not relaxing for me....guess that says something about me huh? I really enjoyed the yoga class though and will go back next weekend. I have concluded from today's events that I am happy to be moving, breathing, and concentrating. I am not happy feeling like a slug and not doing anything but allowing my heart to beat and breathing. I suppose maybe I believe that life is movement, I have always learned better when applying something then just memorizing it. I wonder how meditation would work for me, tee hee.

Today is warm and I am feeling spring blow in on a breeze, that makes me feel good!!

I am off to attend to the household needs such as cleaning, organizing, and such. I have a feeling that going to the gym is going to help me in many ways from dealing with stress to making me feel better and helping my skating. Yay!!!!!!

Blame it on the

eclipse, drinking water, the cold weather, hmmm, anything but myself. LOL. I recently switched derby teams and now am a mentor for the Junkyard Dolls. I think that this is going to be a very good thing for me, in a week I have learned so much and I am feeling very excited about derby again. I think what is working for me is the explanation and how to apply the skills. I guess that what I was looking for is some training that works for me, it seems that is what I am going to get. I am not concerned with being on a team or not being on a team, I am concerned with being good, no, not good but an excellent derby skater. This involves training, time, effort and passion. I love my coaches, I love derby, I love the people involved, and I love playing this sport. This is not to say the team I was with was not a good team, it just was not a good team for me. I respect and like all the women on the Mods, I would never talk poorly of anyone individually or collectively, that does not mean that I have to agree with their actions but I also understand that I am not a captain and it is not my place to make decisions (thank goodness). All in all I believe that everything worked out best for everyone. I feel the frustration that I had for myself slipping away and realization that I can do well and play this sport.

Work is a different story, it is all stress all the time, I feel like I am constantly running and deadlines are always looming, it does not help that one out of twenty or so people that I have to do work for is a jerk. I suppose one out of all those people is not too bad though.

The bean is having some school issues which we are trying to resolve, hopefully now that she is no longer really ill this will be remedied. Grrrrrrr, middle school stinks, those are tough years emotionally, psychologically and physically. Poor bean.

I will be so happy when spring arrives hopefully with warm breezes, flora in bloom and sunny days....

Friday!!!

I am so happy it is Friday, I am so happy that I can sleep in until 7 or so tomorrow morning. This weekend is going to be busy, training tonight, boxing class in the morning, house cleaning tomorrow, laundry, then pilates on Sunday morning, skating in the afternoon, and then the bout. Thats right, Mobtown vs. Long Island at home at Putty Hill Skateland. Should be a great bout!! I will likely have no voice left on Monday but am looking forward to cheering the girls on!!

I am working on endurance and strength training. I am hoping to show some improvement over the next few weeks, I will complete the goals I have set for myself. It will be productive and I will learn.

“Nothing of any importance can be taught. It can only be learned, and with blood and sweat.”
Robert Anton Wilson

Ahhhhhhh

I think maybe some things had to fall apart to open my eyes to make me realize what I was really looking for and what I wanted. Skating is fun again, I had a good time at practice last night and look forward to scrimmaging on Monday!!! Yay!!

Work on the other hand is absolutely insane, I may lose my mind before Friday, that would be today. Grrrrrrr........