Ahhhhh, breathe

“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.”
James Dean

This morning I walked through the hallways, took a trip down to trauma, felt giddy at the prospect that I can eight years later walk through this hospital and be alive. There are no words to explain the high, no substance that could make me feel so elated, no words that capture the feelings of what is going on inside me at this moment. Through all the hurt, the pain, the problems, the mistakes, I have arrived here, the place where it was all given back to me, so in turn I try to give back the compassion, the empathy, the hope that resides here due to the people that dedicate themselves to being here. I am not sure I have ever thanked the people who worked so hard to help me, from my friends, my family, the firemen, the medics, the nurses, the interns, the Drs., and anyone else that contributed to giving me a chance at living. Thank you, you saved my life

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.”
Buddha (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta)

Mistakes

“Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them.”
Salvador Dali

I have made so many mistakes and undertaken the task of examining, dissecting and understanding them to become a better me. At times I find it difficult as I filter through various issues with behaviour and actions that I have taken as a result of these mistakes. In making the decision on letting go of a friendship the issues that I fault her for I have had to deal with, analyze and modify, I believe this is why this decision has proved so difficult for me. I in some ways feel helpless and guilty but when the words came pouring out of me the other evening, I realized that I am the pot calling the kettle black in some ways. It is painful and hard for me to see someone experience and go through some of the same issues and approach them in the ways that I previously used to cope. I think what really hurt me the most is realizing how selfish and self-centered she is, I am afraid that to people outside my brain feel the same way about me. Am I self centered and selfish, only caring about myself? I hope not because that would mean I was really ugly person, thinking I was actually caring and trying to help other people when really all I was doing was trying to help myself. I have entered a place in my life where I like to think that I have recognized my mistakes and that I have learned a great deal about myself and in analyzing these mistakes I have become a better me.

hmmmmm..Is this a mistake......

Yay Santa

Had a lovely Christmas, with my family and friends. I am tired and working now, should have taken off. Made some wise choices regarding an issue I have been dealing with for some time. Feeling pretty good with things lately and the stress and anxiousness of the past few weeks quickly went away by the completion of our Christmas day.

Ahhhh.....

Tra la la Tra lalalala Tra lalalala

I have the Banana Splits theme song stuck in my head...

Here you can listen and then have it stuck in your head all day too!!

http://melaman2.com/cartoons/singles/mp3/banana-splits.mp3

Started my new position today, but seems no one is here to tell me what I am supposed to be doing, nor do I have access to any of my work to get started if I wanted to. Tee hee, so I am working for the most part reorganizing my old office and hanging out.

I am tired, we survived a school project, shopping all, and I mean all day Sat. day, picking up the tree, decorating the tree, cleaning the house, and doing most of my laundry. I am tired and only had four hours of sleep due to the fact I could not delay folding and putting the laundry away, can not stand when the laundry resides in baskets or piles and gathers in places it simply does not belong... Tsk, tsk.

I watched Mary Poppins the other evening, I love Mary Poppins, when I was little I wanted to be all smart and magical, not sure how smart I am but I am still magical and sparkling, well maybe in my universe.

I am extremely upset over the remake of Charlottes Web, which was one of my absolute favorite books in the whole wide world. It makes me sad, but maybe more children will read the book now.

Hurrrmmmppphhhh

Crazy week, grant deadline looming, work not completed and we are down to the wire. Hurry up and just give me the stuff so that I have time to edit it and upload it to the powers that be. That being said, I have one more week until the completed transition into my new position, things are going crazy around here, grrrrr....

I did skate in the mayors parade on Sunday which was a really good time. Here are some pictures:




Trying to get ready for the holidays may even try to decorate a bit this evening and make room for the tree, cards are arriving, packages are being shipped, the world is a lovely place even if it is busy at times...

“Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.”
Albert Schweitzer