Today

I realized how really great the life I have worked so hard for is...you know sometimes I forget and feel tired, run-down and listless...then BOOM, something occurs, or is remembered, or happens. This morning on my way out of my office there was a lady in a wheelchair, when we arrived finally departed the elevator into the lobby she says, "Outside, thank goodness". I remember that feeling very vividly upon my late evening departure after being in shock trauma for all of about 28 hours, not that I remember most of it, but the bits and pieces I do remember are vivid and in surreal technocolor. I remember arguing with the DR. about leaving ama, I remember fighting to get dressed, I remember vomiting due to the amount of MRI/CT scans being performed, and now I remember the feeling of being wheeled outside at 10 or 11 at night into the cold, dark night. I had no coat as they destroyed the black vintage sheared lambswool jacket and everything else I was wearing while removing these items from my body during the initial stages of trauma care in the middle of the street in Annapolis. This memory returned is so vivid, I can feel the goosebumps on my skin, the feeling of the air against my beat up, bruised skin, the feeling of being alive...that is the biggest high I have ever felt, it carried me through for years and you know now that I recall that feeling it makes me feel high and happy just thinking about it. Regardless of when things seem very stressful and irritating, my life is still pretty damn nice and I am happy to be alive.

So here is a Katie song that I love, been listening to this album since my sister brought it home when I was 12, never realized it would be so significant to me and my life at every junction...

Just as we hit the green,
I've never been so happy to be alive.
Only seven miles behind
You could smell the child,
The smell of the front line's survival.

With my silver Buddha
And my silver bullet,
(I pull the pin.)

You learn to ride the Earth,
When you're living on your belly and the enemy are city-births.
Who need radar? We use scent.
They stink of the west, stink of sweat.
Stink of cologne and baccy, and all their Yankee hash.

With my silver Buddha
And my silver bullet,
(I'm pulling on the pin,)
Ooh, I pull out, pull out the pin.
(pulling on the pin, oh...)

Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
And I love life!
Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
And I love life!
I love life!
I love life!

I've seen the coat for me.
I'll track him 'til he drops,
Then I'll pop him one he won't see.
He's big and pink, and not like me.
He sees no light.
He sees no reason for the fighting

With my silver Buddha
And my silver bullet.
(I'm pulling on the pin,)
Ooh, I pull out, pull out the pin.
(pulling on the pin, oh...)

I had not seen his face,
'til I'm only feet away
Unbeknown to my prey.
I look in American eyes.
I see little life,
See little wife.
He's striking violence up in me.

With my silver Buddha
And my silver bullet.

Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
And I love life!
Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
And I love life!
I love life!
I love life!

Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
And I love life!
Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
And I love life!
Just one thing in it:
Me or him.
And I love life!
I love life!
I love life!

Katie Bush
1982
Pull out the pin
The Dreaming

Whats going on?

Work has been a bit hectic, lots of deadlines, lots of grants, and lots of all the institutional bs that goes along with people trying to get funded and do research. Many cuts due to lack of funding about 76% of requested funding on research rating in the top 11% nationally are being funded, kind of sad, but what can you do when your federal monies are supporting wars...guess health is really not that important.

Trying to get ready for the beans last year of middle school and I suppose we will be filling out high school applications, if everything goes as planned though we will not be here and so we will also have to look at schools in Oregon. She is excited to start 8th grade and hopefully will continue doing her best, she is smart.

So, thinking of Portland, OR is our next destination, Baltimore while interesting is not really the place for a teenager or at this point for her cool mom, plus they have an awesome derby league.

Derby is going well, I am getting better, though there is still lots of room for improvement but I finally feel like I am getting more competitive and skilled. I am working really hard and it is nice to feel like it is starting to pay off. Who knew skating around hitting people and trying not to get knocked over was so hard. I really am starting to enjoy the strategy of the game, knowing what I am doing in the pack, it is fun. I also am so lucky to be associated with the Junkyard Dolls, they are the best group of ladies.

So here some pictures from the last few weeks...


This is what happens when betty beatdowns ass hits the asphalt a couple of times in the same place at Virgin Fest.



This is Harlotte and Meanie Me, as you can tell Meanie Me does not like photos...

I will post more later...

XXX

Hot, hot, and hot

After a week of little sleep and lots of shirt making the V Fest arrived. I had a great time even though it was hot, the track was inclined asphalt. I was so happy that on Sunday it had cooled down a bit and I was able to enjoy some the music. I was able to catch part of the Beastie Boys and Amy Winehouse (Needs to go to Rehab, YES, YES, YES) on Sat. It was long, hot and some fun but I was totally drained as all my energy was used up by sweating a lot.

Sunday I was introduced to CSS (Cansei de Ser Sexy), they really kicked my day off right, fun and energetic. I then had some fun scrimmages, then went off to catch Bad Brains, who were incredible. We all felt a little special when the Wu Tang Clan started chanting our derby teams name for the day (Poon Tang Clan) and we started off skating to them until we were totally rained out (incline+outdoor wheels+asphalt=many derby girls slipping and sliding). I was then able to catch the end of Velvet Revolver, did not get to hear much of that set so i can not really comment. Then it was time to watch the Smashing Pumpkins (Yay!!!) and a bit of 311 in the rain. It was two long, hot days of derby, music, sweating and being disgustingly dirty which made it all that much more fun.

XXX