Haunted

I feel sometimes the past seems to hover around me and it seems that "ghosts" come back to haunt me. I think maybe I want some of these people to be in my life, not the same way as in the past but in a way that is healthy which most of these relationships were not. There are obviously some relationships I care not to ever revisit and some people that I hope to never encounter again. I suppose these "ghosts" will never depart and be laid to rest until I resolve my past and the guilt I carry. I sometimes do not even really have a clear defined memory of what transpired or what went wrong but in order to make myself a better I think I should start doing this sooner than later, because I do not like being haunted....



If I walk down this hallway, tonight,
It's too quiet,
So I Pad through the dark
and call you on the phone
Push your old numbers
and let your house ring
til I wake you ghost.
Let him walk down your hallway
it's not this quiet
slide down your receiver
sprint across the wire
follow my number
slide into my hand.


It's the blaze across my nightgown
it's the phone's ring.

I think last night
you were driving circles around me.

I can't drink this coffee
til I put you in my closet
let him shoot me down
let him call me off
I take it from his whisper
you're not that tough.
Your Ghost
Kristin Hersh

Spring Fever...

I got knocked around alot by Frenzy last night, OUCH. That is one tough lady to get around. Skating lots, having fun, and ready for the weekend. I am not in the mood to work much lately but then again who is, I will be happy once Spring hopefully this weekend will resemble that long awaited, anticipated season.

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain

I

am feeling very good about where I am in certain aspects in my life. I am focusing on the positive side of things as being negative is just too difficult. My shoulder hurts but I will be getting a massage today. The sun is shining at least for now, the air is warmer, and it feels good not to be all huddled up and freezing. Yes, I freeze at anything below 75 degrees Fahrenheit. I do not like my feet or head to be cold and I am tired of wearing big shoes and hats, normally this is not a problem but lately I am just not into it. I also bought the loveliest of spring dresses, in the most hideous color scheme, I would like to wear it without freezing and I as i can not wear it to the place I spend the most time, it must get warm. It is so horrible that it looks stunning on and I look fabulous in this hideous dress. I think about moving to the west coast and then realize most of the places I would like to reside are cold, even my choices on the East coast are cold. bbbbrrrrrrrr, I need someone to make me warm as the kittens are not large enough and not allowed to leave the house. I am skating this afternoon outside, it will be with the lovely Joy Collision, I will probably hurt afterwards but I am so looking forward to it. I like being sore, in some ways it makes me feel good and alive. I am off to try and not stress over the rest of my crazy work day.......

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
Albert Einstein

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
Buddha

Crazy

Things have been crazy, the weather is not spring like at all, I am cranky and work is driving me crazy. I am still trying to decide if this position is the right position for me, I really like the work and all the Drs. but I feel like I am not learning the skills required to advance in this position and move forward. I like working on the grants but feel that I can do more with the actual grant, making it more appealing and allowing the agency to be more receptive. I know that politics play a role in the process but a well written, defined grant would make it harder to deny. Luckily I have some great support listening to what I am suggesting and offering to help me further the process, which I am not fully versed in at this point.

Skating is going well, I am very excited!! yay!! I love my team and am learning alot.

This Friday brings the Zombie Art Show, which should be fun and exciting!!! I am getting zombiefied and will be on skates, woo hoo......

People

complain about the silliest things especially when they can not see outside their narrow confines of their life. I mean really little things do not mean much when people are dying, family members are grieving, and people are ill. I am aware that every time I am stressing over silly things that really are not important and insignificant issues that are not worth worrying about, that an event occurs to keep this in my mind so that I realize things are silly. Who cares if that stupid piece of paper does not have a signature on it yet, so what if I look like an idiot, who cares that I was soaked because I did not have an umbrella in the downpour this morning, because you know what, my child is healthy, I am healthy, my family is healthy and even though I may not have the best day and it is full of errors and issues the bottom line is that everything will work out and at the end of the day I am living and here to face another day full of issues and problems. They are my issues and my problems so I will address them and they will be completed......ahh the complexity of life is really very simple...