It is interesting how accessible the internet has made it to be found. In the last six months I have been contacted and have contacted people that I have not talked to or seen for years, it is great. One of my oldest and closet friends located me a few days ago and I am very happy to say that she lives close and we have been able to reconnect. Yay!!
So today is Thursday and I should be working as usual there are a million things to do and get done. I find myself in a strange place today, I am happy but over the past few days something has been bothering me, not in a bad way, more like a tugging inside myself, I realized when I came to work here that it was a tough place to be, I have accepted that even though I understand this it does not make it easier at times. I have allowed myself to get close to a patient and I fear that when that patient does not make into the 8% curative population I am going to be devastated to see the progression and decline. I guess I relate to this patient as she is of the same age, has a daughter, a really lovely family and right now seems so optimistic and full of life. She is on an extremely difficult treatment called IL 2 that is very good if it does not kill you. I have been pulling back a bit from her and I feel bad as I know she needs the support and I like her and admire the way she is fighting but at the same time I just know that if/when anything happens I will be very upset. I suppose this is why I could never be a nurse. I also know that I could never justify what a full life is as it varies so much from person to person. Ohhh, well.....
Add to this I am afraid Merlin is declining but it may just be another off week...
I am a mixture of happy and sad all swirled into one....
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