Funny

It is funny how you view yourself sometimes. When I was young I felt ugly and unattractive. Things change as you get older but when one thing makes me feel insecure, I at times revert back to that thinking. I have been a bit anxious and stressed (like you could not tell from previous posts) and I find that when this happens I behave in a different mindset. Gone is the confidence that I am beautiful and attractive, in creeps the insecurities that have plagued me for most of my life, adult and child. I am fat, my face looks huge, my lips are chicken lips, and I am generally unattractive. I know this is not true but trying to convince myself is a challenge. I wonder when this pattern of thinking started, I try to figure out why, and I come up empty. I hate to place blame on other people but did my parents do this to me? I mean really, I had the normal teasing when I was little, face it kids are just plain little stinkers and can be cruel. I grew up thinking my older sister was the smart one, so I could not be that; my middle sister was pretty, so I could not be that, I was told I was the talented one, not pretty, not smart just talented. Well they were wrong, I suppose I am talented but by the time I got there I was thoroughly screwed in the head. Why could I not be all three of those things together, I am not just one thing I mean I am many. Oh well, thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow maybe we can pick this apart and fix it so I do not revert back to that mindset everytime I face an issue and everytime I become insecure it makes me feel so bad. I wish they could just fix my circuitry to work the right way.