Insight

I never danced because it was pretty and , it has taken me this long to remember why I started dancing. I started dancing because I loved it and it was a part of me but the real reason is because it made me feel good to give some of the magic to people. The most remarkable performance I believe I ever did was not in a theater, a studio or a large venue; it was at a senior citizen center. The reason it was so remarkable is because I truly believe that day I was able to give a piece of magic to some people that did not have much left. It felt good, I also realized that the reason I like working at the cancer center is I feel I can help and make things easier for some people. I often think about what the world would be like without the things that drag people down and if everyone just gave a little of whatever magic they held to those around them. Then I wonder how and when so many people lost the idea and concept that they could not do this. It makes me sad. I have found this hope and excitement again in my life it is not that I have accomplished anything outstanding in terms of employment, money or fame but I have been able to touch a few people and make things easier, that is what I think is important and why I like what I can give now. I tried to hard to give things I did not have to give, thinking that this was helping, it was not it was dishonest and harmful. I can now give and not have it be hurtful and harmful and really that is who I have always wanted to be. Sometimes it is hard to see the importance of who are when so many people try to tell what you are and how you should be. The reason I lost joy ad happiness in dancing was because it was not giving to any one at that point, it was just becoming harmful and destructive to me. I have a bit of magic it brings a smile, makes someone laugh, that is important and accomplishment. Value and quality of life are of high worth and from my own experience I feel that I am to share all the magic I have on all the people that need it.

I know a man who is lost, lost his dreams and magic along the way, I hope one day he will dream and remember these things. I think he needs to find and remember his own, sometimes it must be rediscovered or it will never come back. I fear if this does not happen he might end up without ever remembering what happiness, joy, love are. That makes me sad, he hides away wrapped in his anger and bitterness at his life and the world. Occasionally he allows glimpses of compassion but they usually do not last long. Angry, bitter, and alone are not a good way to be.

My final insight for the day is that these are Merlin's last few days with us, his little body is unable to function and I do not want him to suffer. I have done everything possible to make him comfortable but this is no longer working. My kitten is loved and has much magic, the magic to love me, be my companion and help me through when I needed a friend and no one was there. I am very sad but I do not want to be selfish by allowing him to suffer and I knew this would happen. My Merlin is off and on the days I need him he will be in my heart.