Apoptosis

Today 10 billion of my cells died to balance the 10 billion produced in mitosis (hopefully) because my cells are programmed to die. Every human has this happen (hopefully) on a daily basis but when programmed cell death does not occur there are problems, big problems.

Today, I have come to the realization that my kitten will die soon. It saddens me beyond belief but his cells have mutated with FIP, cells are not following their proper apoptosis. Bodies have a delicate balance consisting of cell programming and genetic coding so that when the codes go wrong the programming does not function correctly. I suppose I should be happy that he has survived and been stable for almost 11 months when we were told that usually effusive FIP is fatal in a short period of time, weeks at best. I should feel good that he is loved and I did everything possible to make the inevitable a bit easier on him. I should be accepting of the fact that he is starting to show signs of decline and that the most humane thing is for him to be euthanized before progressing to the point of expiration. I should but I am not because I am selfish because I can not imagine coming home and not seeing my Merlin, going to bed without my Merlin, and day to day without my Merlin. I know enough to know that I will do what I must to make sure he is taken care of but really apoptosis when it goes wrong stinks, when programming and coding do not mesh and the cells turn against the whole way it is supposed to work it is horrible. Now I know there are larger problems in the world then my little kitten who is very young but it does not make it any easier to be the one to make the decision of when he should die. I know he has no fear like most people and I have no fear for him but I will miss him...Selfish Puck will miss him and the bean will surely miss him. Kind of stinks that she has had to deal with so much death over the past year or so but she understands as much as anyone can.

I wish I had never even heard the word apoptosis but it seems to play such a large role in my everyday life ....