So sad

I am so sad today knowing what tomorrow brings. Tonight is Merlin's last night with us and it makes me cry over and over. Merlin has been diagnosis with FIP. A horrible disease that cats get. I keep thinking maybe it could be something else but alas after researching extensively since Thursday I have found nothing. The progression of this disease was so fast. Wednesday night after spending 4.5 hours at the emergency room vets, three thoracentisis's, numerous x-rays and general cytology, FIP is the diagnosis. We have decided that after spending a weekend with him we will have to euthanize him before his lungs fill with fluid again. We could continue with the lung taps but given the size of what we believe is a soft tissue mass I do not want him to suffer. This has to be the hardest thing I have had to deal with and it sucks. Merlin has brought me so much joy and comfort so often.

The interesting thing that was pointed out to me earlier, by my sunshine, is my life over the past year revolves around death. Beside the death of my two aunts and my grandfather, I am surrounded by lung cancer death, one of which was my grandfathers, so professionally and personally lung cancer has consumed my life of late. Lung taps, upset family, and upset patients are my world. At least Merlin does not have to go through the decline and progression of his disease, thank goodness. I am humbled daily by what the patients and their family go through in a fight against a disease that is all consuming in the end. The hope that one day the understanding of the mutation of cells will be understood and stopped keeps me working and helping as much as possible, in any way that I can.