Living

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
Anais Nin

Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat.
Anais Nin

I have worked hard to become who I am over the past few years, the interesting thing is as I work to become the person that I want to be, that person keeps expanding. Ideals, goals, passion, and all the connections I have made, old and new alter and change for the better, open and honest. After leaving the world of fantasy created and believed by myself while living only in my head, I realize that there is so much to experience. I closed out the bad parts and created only good things and running away from all the bad, hiding inside myself so far and ever not realizing the harm to others and myself that it created by being so unbalanced and scared. I never realized how sensitive I am to outside influences, how with all the bad, ugly, and harsh realities there is also empathy, compassion and beauty. Learning this has made me understand and alter my perception of what I am searching for. I am happy to no longer live in a world made up of make believe and craziness. There is enough crazy in the world that my adding to it just feeds illusion. I like expanding and learning it makes me feel comfortable in who I am and keeps me from being routine and stagnant. Fear and anxiety are not a way to live a life, it grew tiresome and hard to "live" in such a state. I am appalled at how I behaved and the overwhelming fallout for my behaviour and its affect on all surrounding me. I can not undo what was done in the past but I can learn and understand from those moments, otherwise what would be the point.